More mail

I am not yet back. I have received a diagnosis, a "dietary food regime" and lots of other instructions. Add that to the pileup in my notebooks, email inbox and blogroll, and I'll be spending the rest of the month running forward to a spot two spaces back.

But I digress.

I did happen to find something at the top of the heap. It didn't get whisked off to the spam trap, though it contained several key words. I post it in its entirety, all errors are theirs. I do not believe it is actually from the person so named as sender.
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barbara bauer 6:12 pm June 20 2006

Ever gotten ripped off? Had your money, possessions or dreams stolen? As you read these words, thousands of people are being lied to and cheated out of a lot of money, pride and hope. You might be one of them.
Some of these embittered citizens have turned the tables and are serving their chilled dishes of revenge. Ed and Soots Writer’s Guild, changed to Sootie’s Writers Guild, and now known as The Guild, is one of these places that appears to be a “safe haven” to the cheated author. In reality, it’s all about Sootie and her desperation for literary greatness. It’s rumored that Sootie encouraged literary agent Barbara Bauer to go after AbsoluteWrite in order to shut down Jenna Glatzer’s forums permanently. Why? So that more people would join the dwindling ranks who occasionally populate The Guild. This is the same logic Sootie and her supposedly former partner, Ed Williams 3, exercised when they decided to close the Mudd Hole and PASucks.
Also, why is Soots/Sootie/Sooty/MsIcee/Linda Oness even in possession of a Guild? This is a person who was duped twice by PublishAmerica into being “published” by them. She has no other publishing credentials online or offline.
And to what other lengths will sleazy Sootie go to get attention? Witness this true episode that occurred in Detroit, Michigan. Sootie, enticed on the PA messageboards by H.B. Marcus (Marcus Bretscheider) who discussed his lengthy appendage, vowed to meet and screw this man. Sootie confided to a close friend as to what happened in a steamy email that’s been edited to reduce it to an X rating. Any further modification in content would denigrate the entertainment value of said email:
“Meeting H.B. Marcus was the best thing that ever happened to me. His Golden Rod of Love was past his belly button just like he said it was. When we first entered the Holiday Inn room I couldn’t keep myself from trying to tear off HB’s skintight jeans. But he fought back my roving hands and forced my trembling body alredy dripping Lovejuices down my legs onto the bed. He then proceeded to turn on the radio and started to do a dance that would be the envy of any Chippendales dancer. He had me so hot 20 gallons of Canadian ice water wouldn’t cool this hot bod off. As he rolled down his jeans to his ankles and slid onto the bed, I quikly unfastened my mini dress to expose my black crotchless panties and thigh high stockings. To say that both me and HB enjoyed an 8 course meal would be an understatement. He orally plaesed me at least 4 times. And after the 5th time of giving him oral pleasures I lost count. But then it came time for him to slide his Golden Rod Of Love into my precious Manpleaser. HB Marcus must know every line, comma, and quotation mark in the Kama Suttrra. Because for the next hour and 15 minutes we created our own personal earthquake. We not only did it on the bed, chair and floor, but the nightstand, tub, sink, toilet and even on the balcony. Even a couple of Fedex drivers interruppted their deliverys to observe the helicopter rotating of my 38 DD s as he dangled me over the balcony railing. And when the final moment of climaxx arrived, Old Faithful gushed for at least 10 minutes. We spent the next 12 hours spent in each others arms. But when HB told me that he had to leave to catch his flight home to Ohio, I had to delay his departure. I latched onto his Golden Rod Of Love until HB promised to enter the Back Door at least once.”
Cumming to a computer near you - read all about Sootie’s and Phil Dolan’s weekend in Bangcock, Thailand, with photos!

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Sometimes friendships forged on the world wide web can be fragile indeed.
Be well everyone.